I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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