how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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