god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
