he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
