...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
