i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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