the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im holly from the hills drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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