How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
