Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His nipple licking is glorious
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