need another drink. this is the easiest way
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
