help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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