Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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