Texts From Last Night

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  (831): View more from California

  My boss' voice literally gives me gas

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  (831): My boss' voice literally gives me gas http://tfl.nu/s0me
  Replies (5) Good night (665) Bad night (2321)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

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  (803): I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today". http://tfl.nu/w2r4
  Replies (111) Good night (1231) Bad night (13547)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish

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  (516): you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish http://tfl.nu/rp8q
  Replies (17) Good night (673) Bad night (4163)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you mean i was at the winter classic?

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  (617): you mean i was at the winter classic? http://tfl.nu/ck5g
  Replies (39) Good night (5371) Bad night (759)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.

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  (305): If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls. http://tfl.nu/m95d
  Replies (8) Good night (5824) Bad night (1155)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place

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  (843): the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place http://tfl.nu/6i8c
  Replies (16) Good night (5914) Bad night (919)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

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  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (5234) Bad night (1143)
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  (585): View more from New York

  you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

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  (585): you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation. http://tfl.nu/l508
  Replies (6) Good night (1807) Bad night (3512)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.

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  (215): No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death. http://tfl.nu/8wb9
  Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (1679)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.

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  (816): she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/xnh2
  Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You're the best wingman ever.

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  (702): We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you. (843): You're the best wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/wgzf
  Replies (13) Good night (2651) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up 

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  (865): I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up  http://tfl.nu/ojbn
  Replies (3) Good night (855) Bad night (484)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.

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  (306): I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee. http://tfl.nu/xuxq
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.

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  (402): Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night. http://tfl.nu/4fcf
  Replies (3) Good night (1277) Bad night (608)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.

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  (269): When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him. http://tfl.nu/ihig
  Replies (5) Good night (340) Bad night (833)

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