He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.