its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
