im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.