There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.