hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
