ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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