the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize