There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
