he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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