Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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