There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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