After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
