I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
