i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
