You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
