from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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