I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
