Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Randomize
