Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
