I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We just shotgunned beers for America
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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