he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
