I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
