I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
