He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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