mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
