Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
