He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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