i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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