Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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