If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
