Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
