so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
third nipple confirmed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
