I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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