you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
