If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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