just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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