That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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