yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
