I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
