We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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