every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
