i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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