um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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