Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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