I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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