im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
