I just made out with a guy for $7.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
