You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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