if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
